What do veterans dream of at the end of life?

By Kisa Heyer, CEO, Dream Foundation/Dreams for Veterans

While you might think that someone diagnosed with a terminal diagnosis would want to tick through a bucket list of exotic travel and thrilling experiences, the thousands of Dream requests we have fulfilled for terminally-ill adults tell a different story. They also reveal one significant difference in what veterans dream of at the end of life.

In many ways, the Dream requests we receive from civilians and veterans show many similarities.

Both request vacations. But in most instances, it’s less about ticking off exotic destinations and more about taking time away to create happy memories for those they are leaving behind, especially where there are young children in the household.

Civilians and veterans alike also ask us to help them meet their personal heroes. U.S. Army veteran Michael was inspired to become an Army medic by the role that Edward James Olmos played in Battlestar Galactica and wanted to personally thank the man he considered a vicarious father figure and role model.

And we also receive many requests from both civilians and veterans for essential items such as lift chairs to help mobility, or new beds to provide pain-free rest. Or for U.S. Navy veteran Lori, a bed big enough to cuddle up with her seven children, six of whom are adopted.

But there is one area where the Dreams that veterans request are profoundly different. Many veterans' Dreams reflect aspects of their military service.

The Dreams of some veterans reveal a deep need for closure. While serving in Vietnam, U.S. Marine Roger befriended David. They quickly formed close bonds. As Roger says, “We were always together - except one day."

On that day, David took his own life. As he speaks of it decades later, Roger’s regret is palpable. 

Seeking closure can be understood as an attempt to put the past to rest. For the terminally-ill, it is part of the psychological process of accepting the end of life.

For veterans like Roger, closure can involve finally letting go of the psychological burden imposed by a friend’s untimely death during a time of conflict.

Other veterans ask for help in visiting military memorials to pay tribute to fellow veterans who lost their lives in service. U.S. Army veteran Lou, who served in Motor Pool Operations in the 528th unit during Vietnam, dreamed of visiting the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington to pay his respects to the close friends he lost in the war.

U.S. Navy veteran Eddie never forgot seeing the rusted hull of the USS Arizona in Pearl Harbor in 1955 and dreamed of visiting the memorial to those who lost their lives during the attack, saying, "The main thing on my heart and mind for years has been to return to Pearl Harbor and pay my respects."

In the broadest terms, final Dreams provide joy, comfort and closure. But their proven psychological benefits make them an important part of a palliative care program. An independent study run in conjunction with the American Psychiatric Association showed that 80 percent of Dream recipients reported a greater sense of well-being after a Dream.

Overall, fulfilling thousands of final Dreams for terminally-ill adults has revealed that those adventurous, thrill-based bucket lists belong more to those looking forward. They are about making the most of a life without a visible end in sight.

The Dreams of those with a terminal diagnosis either address pressing, practical needs, or reflect the people, events, or places that have the most profound effect on the life they have had or the person they have become along the way.

And for veterans, no matter when or where they served, the Dreams they request reveal that it is their service that has had the most profound effect on their lives, who they are, and how they want to be remembered.

About Dreams for Veterans:

Dream Foundation created Dreams for Veterans in 2014 to tailor the Dream experience to veterans, service members, and their families. Dream recipients are terminally-ill U.S. military veterans, active service members, and members of the Reserve and National Guard in every state and Puerto Rico. This program acknowledges these groups and honors their service by fulfilling their final Dream, providing them, their families and caregivers joy, comfort and closure at the end of life. For more information, please visit: dreamsforveterans.org